I try to have low expectations of Father’s Day. My relationship with my father was complicated, and I don’t have biological children of my own. My step-daughter’s relationship with Father’s Day was heavily impacted by the guilt of split loyalties demanded by her biological father.
It’s easy to ignore a Hallmark Holiday based on traditional family values, and that’s usually what I try to do. Unless you open social media, watch TV, or connect to the outside world, adverts and promotions for the “happy day” abound. Which can be rough if you have a challenging history, and I’d say many of us do.
My lovely wife tries to compensate for my lack of interest in the day with some special activity, meal, or nice gift, and I certainly appreciate her effort. However, this year, my wife has her own Dad to care for, and he’s got some health challenges, so even those efforts may be muted.
Not all is negative, though. Last night, on the eve of Father’s Day, I was reading the book “First Wilderness” by Sam Keith, and a passage about words that his father spoke to him hit me hard. Sam Keith relates his story of moving to the Alaskan wilderness and telling his father. His father’s reaction, quoting a few lines of Robert Service’s poem, The Cremation of Sam McGee hit me right in the feels.
““There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold,” he recited. “The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.””
Sage advice, indeed, for a trek into the unknown. And this quote got me thinking about what, if any, sage advice my own father had passed down to me. What teachings could I learn from and pass down to my step-daughter? Unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with much advice (at least that was fit for publishing), but I did recollect some pleasant memories with my father, which was a nice side-effect of this thought exercise.
I remembered my dad teaching me how to work on cars as a small boy, which was necessary when I was young, as finances were not strong. Though it took me another decade to determine that a half-inch wrench had a real descriptive name, and wasn’t a four-letter curse word! My dad taught me how to drive a motorbike when I was 10, drive a car when I was 13, and a forklift when I was 17. I have a fun memory of watching the Blue Jays’ World Series game in the early nineties at a pub in Vancouver. I especially remember my Dad picking a fight with a fan of the opposite team sitting next to us and having to defuse that situation! What fun. Unfortunately, my contact with my own dad fell apart after that, and we weren’t close again. He passed away some 8 or 9 years ago and we hadn’t spoke in years. Luckily, I’m at peace with that. In fact, it was probably better that way.
Thinking about Father’s Day when your memories aren’t great is rough. Or, when you don’t even think about your father at all. But, trying to come up with some positive memories, even if fleeting, can be a positive experience. Maybe there is a pearl of wisdom somewhere that you can pass along. I hope that Father’s Day isn’t a negative experience for you, wherever you are.