Do you ever find you justify your decision to do something you know you shouldn't with a qualified answer rather than a straight yes or no?
For example:
Q: Will you eat that donut? A: I ate healthy all week, so one donut won't hurt.
Q: The alarm is going off. Are you going to get up and workout? A: I had a good workout yesterday, and it's cold out, so I'm ok to sleep in today.
Q: Should we close Twitter and work on that TPS report? A: I've got plenty of time to complete the report, and Twitter is helping blow off some steam.
Qualifying the answers to our internal questions makes the wrong answer seem softer. It allows us to give ourselves permission to make less than optimal decisions. A yes or no answer becomes a maybe, or a soft negotiation framed in weasel words to justify our wrong decision.
Binary Questions
I am reading Jocko Willink's "Discipline Equals Freedom" and came across the idea of Binary Questions (pp. 90-91). These are questions that /require/ a yes or no answer. Mr. Willink's framing makes these choices seem black or white. And, from my own experience with the box of donuts, they aren't. But they are an excellent start.
What's a binary answer? Yes or No. No qualifications, no explanations. Just a simple Yes or No.
I believe that binary questions, combined with identity-based questions, can become a strong motivator to making better choices.
What's an identity-based question? It's an idea presented in James Clear's "Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results". When you frame an internal decision along the lines of each decision being part of your identity rather than a solitary decision. For example, "Am I the type of person that…". is particularly effective at helping you look at a decision against the lens of your bigger goals and motivations.
In practice:
Identity-based question: Am I the type of person who eats junk food? Internal question: Will you eat the donut? Binary answer: No! (I will not eat the donut, but I'm sure it tastes great).
Identity-based question: Am I the type of person who skips workouts? Internal question: The alarm is going off. Are you going to get up and workout? Binary answer: Yes. (I will get up and workout).
Identity-based question: Am I the type of person who procrastinates important work to play on social media? Internal question: Should I close Twitter and work on that TPS report? Binary answer: Yes. (close Twitter).
The next time you find yourself using a qualified answer to an internal decision, ask yourself an identity-based question first. This will clarify your intentions and then ask yourself the question again. I'll bet the answer is clear and that it is likely the opposite of the qualified answer that your mind was giving you.
Try it. It helps!